Do your conversations go in circles? Answering "My Body My Choice"
When conversations about bodily rights feel circular...Hello Reader, You’ve probably heard a conversation about abortion that goes something like this:
Pro-Choice: A woman has a right to her body!
Pro-Life: It’s not her body. It’s a baby’s body.
Pro-Choice: Bodily rights are women’s rights.
Pro-Life: It’s still not her body...
Bodily rights are one of the most emotionally charged topics in the abortion debate today, and too often, both sides speak past each other, not to each other when discussing them. The result? Conversations that feel like a frustrating loop on a hamster wheel. But what if the pro-choice person is not entirely at fault for this? While it is possible she is making some fallacious assumptions about the humanity of the unborn (we need to clarify her view before we can know for sure), what if the problem is actually a communication error on our part as pro-life advocates? Clearly our current approach isn’t persuading as effectively as we’d hope, so where might we be missing the mark? Think about your own body for a moment. How important is it to you? How would you feel if someone tried to force you to take a medication you didn’t trust or if the government forced you to undergo a medical procedure to which you didn’t consent? Pro-choice people often feel like pro-life laws violate their bodies in this way. Of course, there’s a crucial difference between a woman choosing abortion and someone receiving or declining a medical treatment. The way we often communicate this difference, however, unintentionally sends the wrong message—that we are not concerned about a woman’s bodily rights at all. If we want to be persuasive advocates for the unborn, we need to pay attention not only to what we say, but how it sounds to the person with whom we are speaking. If our points are regularly falling on deaf ears, perhaps our delivery makes it hard to truly listen. Put yourself in the pro-choice woman’s shoes for a moment. When a pro-life person sternly says, “It’s not your body. It’s the baby’s body. You don’t have the right to do whatever you want with it,” what reaction should we realistically expect? "Oh, you’re right. Never mind. I guess I don’t have a right to what’s in my body." Of course not. This approach is likely to make her feel more frustrated than she was when the conversation started, probably because she feels like you’re ignoring an important truth in what she is saying: Women have a right to their bodies, and forcing women to do something with their bodies without their consent is wrong, generally speaking. So, what’s the solution? How can we reply more effectively when someone says, “My body, my choice?” JFA’s Executive Director, Steve Wagner, teaches a simple but powerful approach which begins with two simple words: “I agree.”
Pro-Choice: A woman has a right to her body.
Pro-Life: I agree. A woman’s right to her body is incredibly important. Women’s rights have been trampled on throughout history. Even today in the U.S., they continue to be violated through heinous acts like domestic violence, human trafficking, and sexual assault. All of these injustices anger me, and I stand with you against them.
Then pause. Don’t follow with a “but.” Just let those words sink in. When you do this, you might see something surprising: The pro-choice person’s body language might change. The anger on her face might fade. She may even ask, “If you believe that, then why are you pro-life?” Now you’ve got an open door.
Pro-Life: That’s a great question. I’m pro-life because I care so much about bodily rights. I believe no one has the right to harm you, me—or the woman who is pregnant. If a woman has bodily rights today, then she had them the moment her life began, and harming her any point after that is wrong. Wouldn’t you agree? If that’s true, then no one had the right to harm her when she was an unborn child. What I’ve said, of course, assumes that the unborn are living, human beings. What do you think about that? Have you ever researched into what embryologists say about when human life begins? This kind of response builds a bridge. It shows you understand her concerns and care about her values. It also guides the conversation back to the central question: What are the unborn? Now you are well on your way to a more productive conversation. At this point, you can clarify what kind of bodily rights argument she is making and respond to it accordingly. If you try out this approach, I’d love to hear about how the conversation went! For the unborn and their parents, Kristina Churchman |