Afraid to talk to someone who disagrees with you?
Facing common conversation fears...Plus, wedding pictures and a support raising update!Hello Reader, Are you afraid to have your first conversation about abortion with someone who disagrees with you? Maybe you've read a few pro-life books, attended a Justice For All workshop (click here to view our upcoming events), and watched a myriad of YouTube videos of abortion debates, yet you still feel plagued by fear: the fear of getting stumped, being yelled at, or forgetting how to respond to a particular pro-choice argument. If that sounds like you, I’m willing to bet you’re not a confrontational person. You’re likely highly agreeable and value harmony. You're probably a lot like me. Here’s the truth: if you’re waiting to feel confident enough or knowledgeable enough to have that first conversation, you might never talk to anybody about abortion. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but the reality is, when you frequently talk to different people about abortion, you will get stumped at some point. Someone will get passionate, and your mind might go blank mid-conversation. My very first outreach conversation at a JFA event started out how you might fear. A pro-choice woman shared her reasons for supporting abortion: poverty, foster care, etc. Before the outreach, I had gone through a couple of JFA workshops, so I thought I was prepared. She’s bringing up a circumstantial justification? That means it’s time to trot out a toddler. Simple, right? Well… not if you forget how to do that. As I started the analogy, my mind went completely blank. Embarrassed and panicked, I blurted out, “I’m so sorry! My mind just went completely blank. I don’t remember what I was trying to say.” You know what she said? “That’s because you’re stupid and don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just kidding. She said, “That’s okay! I’m nervous, too.” We often let fear feed us overblown assumptions about how these conversations will go. We expect perfection from ourselves and refuse to try unless we can guarantee it. We think: If I don't say everything just right, they’ll never know the truth, and babies won’t be saved… and it’ll be my fault because I didn’t read one more book. Okay, that’s a little melodramatic, but the underlying fear is real. While our motivation for having conversations might be good, our methodology makes starting them nearly impossible. I’ve had hundreds of conversations since starting my work with JFA, and yes, I’ve faced mistreatment, harsh words, and character accusations. However, those negative experiences pale in comparison to the powerful, transformative conversations I’ve also had. If I had let my fears win, I never would’ve met Taylor, a pro-choice deist at the time, who became a Christian at the Easter Vigil in 2024 after our conversation planted a seed. I never would’ve met Collin, who called himself "reluctantly pro-choice" but later joined his campus pro-life club after we talked. There are so many positive stories I could share, but none of them would exist if I had stayed in the corner of my room, studying until I had “all the answers.” (Spoiler: I still don’t, and that's okay!) When someone asks a question for which I don’t have an answer, I just say, "That's a really interesting question. I need to think about it more. Can I get back to you?" You can say that, too. Yes, it’s awkward to be the only one in the room speaking up for the unborn. It feels like a lot of pressure. But it also means you may be the only one who can defend the forgotten, vulnerable somebody who might be in the room, too. So, what if you forget what to say? What if your words get stuck in your throat, and they come out jumbled like alphabet soup? What if someone poses a pro-choice argument that you’ve never heard before? Admit your weakness. Acknowledge when someone makes a good point. Don’t hide the fact that you’re human. God is way too powerful to let your imperfections get in the way of changing someone's heart. Plus, when you’re real with someone, something surprising might happen. They might just say, “That’s okay. I’m nervous, too,” and you’ll realize, at the end of the day, the pro-choice person is only human, just like you. For the unborn and their parents, Kristina Churchman And now, some wedding pictures like I promised in a previous newsletter!Caden and I got married on Friday, June 6th in the Kansas City area. |